POWER OF PLAY
by Barbara Brewster
Published in the June I998 issue of DIVERSITY
The Magazine of the Australian Complementary Health Association
It's been a long journey from multiple sclerosis to writing articles about the power and joy of play. Lightheartedness was beyond imagination in those dark days when I could barely trudge up my front steps, felt isolated in my confusion and fear, and grieved the loss of my health and identity. And yet the seeds of today's lightness and freedom were sown during that difficult time. For out of the desperation to reclaim my health, I embarked on what has become my life quest -- seeking to know myself and to live the truth of who that self is.
As I descended into the hell of MS, it became clear that my habits, behaviors and beliefs influenced the condition of my body. Once I acknowledged the degree to which my constricting thoughts and attitudes affected my wellness, it seemed logical to change them -- HaHa. Logical, but not simple. I sought support for change in countless ways-through reading and listening to inspirational books and tapes, attending personal development seminars, learning to communicate skillfully, saying NO to toxic people and demands, saying YES to the unheard of -- such as telling someone truthfully how I felt when they treated me in a belittling way, saying YES to the bizarre expefience of resting for two hours in the middle of the day instead of steamrolling along on my juggernaut of productivity -- Saying YES to the discipline of taking time to be still and open a way for inner wisdom to come forth.
Listening within was new territory for me -- I was helped by reading "I Want One Thing" in which Frances Horn, at 74, wrote how her life reflected harmony when she wanted "One Thing" -- to be open to and to follow WHATEVER was appropriate in the bigger picture. When she pursued what SHE thought was appropriate from her view in her tiny little corner of the picture, her life was a mixed-up, inharmonious muddle. I certainly related. When I clung to my concepts of how healing -- of my body, finances, relationships -- should look. I spiraled helplessly deeper into whirlpools of frustration and despair. Also, every one of the numerous practitioners and theories I encountered, offered no real solution for how to heal MS. All that was left for me was to open to Something in me that did know.
Turning my life over to inner workings, along with exchanging expansive for constrictive behaviors, became, I believe, the foundation for my healing. With recovery, my journey took on a new nature. If peeling away layers of constraint could yield health and a glimmer of my spiritual identity, what wonders about this self and its capacities would surface if I continued expanding -- out of joy -- instead of out of fear or desperation?
Ahh. What surprises we unleash when we are willing to surprise ourselves! As part of my commitment to opening to the sparkly person who too-rarely surfaced, I became a clown and toured Russia with MD and clown, Patch Adams. Back in Oregon, craving lightness as I might crave protein, I signed up for comedy classes at Portland State University. At age 51, I undertook my first-ever auditions for plays, commercials and movies. I was starving to be around people who were immersed in creative, stimulating activity.
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